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heatrose

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must decide on french class angst	[Oct. 16th, 2009\|05:37 pm]
hello, livejournal, i am in france, and soon there will be other blogs that i am using. in the meanwhile, i am angsting over french schools, and this is partly to help me decide and partly to solicit advice. okay. there are two french schools i am considering for now (hopefully for winter i get a student visa and can go to the much cheaper one), and i need to pick one to stay at for the next six weeks or so. i should have decided already, because now i'm going to have to go early to one on monday and apologize for the last minute decision sorta thing. they are: the alliance francaise: + good teachers + appropriately challenging + very by-the-book pedagogy, which results in you feeling like you've concretely accomplished something + good conversation in class + good class dynamic; students seem engaged and act like they're there because they want to learn french + students are of a wide age range, and more similar to me in terms of what they are doing in france (came here post-college or for the hell of it or because of a partner, looking for a job, etc) + good library - corporate feeling (huge school, more bureaucracy, although that doesnt have to be dealt with often probably...) - stressful bike route to class + cheaper per hour (i.e. more expensive by a little per week, but more hours per week) - posh, touristy location + but near an organic (bio, they call it) outdoor market at which a vendor gave me a free tangerine, and near a big train station (gare) at which at least one radical group loiters and sells papers ecole PERL + good teachers + appropriately challenging + teachers and director seem like they personally care about you doing well, and are all really nice. + good bike route to class (which doesnt mean not stressful, though... - students are generally college-aged - possibly related to the previous comment, the dynamic feels more like traditional teacher-student as opposed to the students being more engaged + teachers are more personally interesting (when they found out i do environmental stuff they talked about greenpeace, and another time they talked about zola, etc) + more flexibility in terms of levels - slightly confusing pedagogy: students are in class for different numbers of lessons per week, which means some people are in the same class as me for two days, and others for all five, and classes are in sequences of four weeks, but i havent been able to figure out how they work and if they've just started on the four week sequence or what...) - conversation is sometimes difficult to understand because of students' accents +/- director seems to think i should be at a higher level than i am (i.e. put me in a wayyy higher level than i should be to start, and then switched me to something i thought would be too hard but isnt, although i feel like i might be missing things in terms of background.) + cheaper + better location (less touristy, near some nice parks, near an awesome and cheap vegan restaurant) to further complicate things, i'm also taking language classes with the uofc study abroad undergrad program, because they're letting me for free. that involves being surrounded by undergrad students for about an hour three days a week, and is at a lower level than i need to be at, but is very good for correcting mistakes i make (articles, etc) and for filling in gaps in vocabulary, of which there are many, and for getting more conversation practice. and on the one hand with that, it makes me especially want to be with a crowd that is not at the undergrad point in life for the other class, but on the other hand, one thing i am worried about with PERL is that since they put me at a higher level, there will be gaps in what i know-- and the uofc class can help fill those in. basically, with alliance francaise i'll learn a set amount in a set amount of time-- with PERL, i might learn more but i feel like i might be able to apply less, because they put me at a higher level and the conversation isnt as good, etc... thoughts, s'il vous plait? must make rmd mayor blog this weekend. must must. must also make a less journally blog, partly 'cause e said that i'm too old for livejournal (ha!), and partly 'cause i'd like to make some kinda mappy travelly languagey thing, and keep this for more angsty things.
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(no subject)	[Jul. 26th, 2009\|08:55 am]
i feel like death
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there is about a 5% chance that i will go to iceland in two weeks	[May. 29th, 2009\|01:55 pm]
that means there is a 95% chance i wont. bkgr: emailed some folks about a summer volunteer trail maintenance (and mappy?) thing in iceland (unpaid, but they pay for all expenses there except travel) (iceland!). did so a month ish after apps were due, to ask if they had any openings still. this was in april (apps due march). they emailed me two days ago saying they do now, but they start on june 14th. trying to get in touch to see if a later start works, etc. there is a 95% chance this won't work. it would mean possibly not taking epa job, unless they agree to much later start. it would also mean trying to figure out stuff for france job before, or resigning self to figuring it out after. 5% is pretty low. but it is pretty far from 0. aaaaah. i feel like an engine turning over too fast. should switch to a higher gear. what would that mean?
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the dilemma, in poorly written spewed out bullet and narrative form	[May. 17th, 2009\|10:54 am]
france: + e (the partner) is there for the next year, maybe two. (for research; he studies french universities) + freedom (elaborated below) - a ton more figuring out, and the possibility that various things wont work out. + internship or job possibilities in france, or the UK, or the netherlands, or eastern europe - its really hard to find a job or internship out there + language school (- costs money, would be without job for a few months. can afford this.) + could work on organic farms for a month or so + possible bike ride across france with reba - loss of most of social circle in close proximity + know a few people out there; wont be completely isolated. and tons of folks would be in nearby countries, or would visit from the states. - don't know french (i've been taking classes at the alliance francais in chicago and have so far succeeded in accidentally talking in french at the mexican grocery store near me) - would be more isolated if job opportunity in the netherlands or UK pans out. should i drop those possibilities entirely? they are maybe more likely to pan out than france jobs... + possibility of figuring out future plans outside of government career, or environmental career (women's issues?). + french political scene? (but repeat: don't know french) + could look at gis certificates online, or geography or something grad school, if i feel like i'm not doing anything there. -/+ in my old age... see below. on the other hand, zola tells me that france is not as glamourous as the stateside bourgeois stereotypes. the bike ride across is partly to get a vibe for the country. - not wanting to be "girl who follows boy wherever". this isn't the overriding thing, but it's there, and its why all of these "might do ___"s are above; if i go to france, i need to have a plan. - sparkle wouldnt like tons of moving around (would be to florida for a bit, then to france/netherlands/uk) + bringing sparkle to france and netherlands is easy and requires only a vet sign-off or cat passport (cuteness!) - wouldnt have to be in france the whole time. could get some kind of summer gig stateside or intern thing somewhere in europe. - giving up higher-up epa job possibilities doesnt mean that i cant get an epa job upon returning, but it is passing up a good opportunity that might not come up again, and passing up these particular job possibilities. chicago: + applied for higher up epa jobs, interviewed for two and have another interview next week... probably have a decent shot at them. + at least one of said higher up epa jobs can have a finger in climate change stuff. not that much, but we talked about how climate change will affect the contaminated sediment sites on the great lakes. + can visit e in france - might not be able to visit eli as often as desired, due to leave policies of aforementioned jobs. need to negotiate that beforehand. need to figure out when is an appropriate time to bring that up (basically i'd want an extra month of (unpaid) leave time). + the people at said job interviews were really nice and seemed pretty sharp, and it'd be doing Good and Interesting Work. + if i want a government job at some point in the future, having a GS number is good. i would get one of those in these jobs (don't now; i'm a contractor with a grant from the DOE). - said higher up epa jobs are set up for people who want to stay in government. i dont know that i am one of those. especially in the next few years. + i'm doing environmental justice stuff with a local group here, and could get involved with other stuff pretty easily. + in my old age, the stereotypical glamour of europe doesnt do much for me. the wide open spaces and post-industrial recovering spaces of the midwest do. other things to consider: ~ family that i've told doesnt want me to go to france. they need to get over this. ~ timeline of e is him leaving next week for france. could come back in august if i stay here. might only stay a year if i dont go. ~ timeline of epa jobs is that i find out in a few weeks for one, and probably slightly more for another. one would start end of june or later, and the other a month later. dont know about the third yet. lease ends at the end of june. could renew. ~fyi, faster timeline epa job is the one with finger in climate change, and its a sort of multi-tasky gig doing data analysis, field work, and project management for contaminated sediment sites on the great lakes. it exists 'cause of stimulus dollars. ~ fyi, second epa job is a project manager in superfund. i.e. being in charge of superfund sites. less analysis, more manageythings. also interdisciplinary. ~fyi, third epa job is the one i havent interviewed for yet, but it involves voluntary cleanup programs. ~ i feel in some ways that the epa jobs are driving me towards certain types of careers, but theyre also opening up tons of possibilities. ~ i could plan to stay here for a year and do one of the jobs, if i get it, and then go for eli's second year. i'd know more french then. but plans often go awry. also, the epa gigs are two year "federal career internships", which means that you have a sort of trial period for two years. i'm not sure how they'd take to leaving after one. ~ when i'm at work, or in the interviews, i lean towards wanting one of the jobs to work out and think i'd have to take it. when i'm with e, i think i couldnt possibly not go. ~ leaving my current job is easy, fine, and the bosstypefolk would probably be supportive whichever direction i go. ~ i have an appointment with the career advising people at uofc to talk to about this and about job possibilities in france. any advice would be appreciated, except the sort that says "get over the gender issue" or "go to paris!!!111". if you want to address the former, though, that would be excellent.
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Chapter Xwhatever	[Mar. 11th, 2009\|03:13 pm]
...In Which Heather Considers Leaving Chicago With E, and Chicago Conspires to Keep Her Here. sheesh, this is hard.
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(no subject)	[Mar. 2nd, 2009\|10:28 pm]
i am drinking chocolate milk and my hair is in pigtails. only, the milk is soy and the pigtails are tied with carabiners. i'm a grown-up now. this is chocolate milk and pigtails for grown-ups.
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Gender and public transit	[Dec. 9th, 2008\|03:15 pm]
(i am taking the day off of work today as i am sick, and feel like making a map that i've been meaning to make for awhile-- so now i am looking for data before rushing off to the doctor's) Chicagoland's public transit system has a slightly creepy quirk to it-- the automated voices at stations (CTA and Metra) are female, and the automated voices on the trains, buses, etc. are male. i.e.... the quintessentially annoying and beyond annoying female: passive : : male: active association. (really whoever decides this should call it what it is and have the automated voices say something like "the train is about to penetrate the station") ... so i am wondering what automated voices say in other cities on other public transit systems. folks in other cities, can you pay attention to this and let me know what you hear? Rita, you said you read something abt this in NYC maybe?
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Cat In Transit?	[Nov. 20th, 2008\|11:26 am]
i am going to miami in a month for a week. good idea/bad idea to bring Small Feline Predator along? good idea: selfish heather wants her to come! good idea: Small Feline Predator will miss the people/some of the people she would otherwise be able to play with, pounce feet of, predate on, meow at, etc. bad idea: Small Feline Predator on Airplane for a few hours. undecided idea: Small Feline Predator in new environment with new sneaky places. (probably good) of course, if my mom gets a dog, all of this becomes irrelevant.
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last night we watched the sex and the city movie	[Nov. 13th, 2008\|02:28 pm]
we should have been drinking diet soda one of the name-brands in cans. with straws.
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Hello, kitty. goodbye, brain.	[Oct. 20th, 2008\|05:25 pm]
xkcd has something to say about this. "nearness" is generally relatively high.
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Who's getting a Cat? I'm getting a Cat!

[Oct. 10th, 2008|03:49 pm]

this afternoon! I want her to be vegan, but she will not be vegan tomorrow*, because I don't know enough about vegan cat diets yet, and keep running into the most idiotic things about cats and veganism while trying to learn about the subject.

I think it'll help my psychological state to list them and rant about them. you probably don't want to read this.

the way to get your cat to be vegan is easy! starve her (or him) for a few days and then present her (or him) with only vegan food!

this requires no further commentary. jerkwad.

pet food contains byproducts. this is bad.

actually, from what i understand, byproducts are the parts humans won't eat, and if you're buying human-grade pet food, what it means is you're probably using the parts that'd otherwise go to waste. also, they might be more nutritional, although its hellishly difficult to find non-conflicting info on that. (mmmm brains! ok, not brains, 's far as i know.)

this vegan cat food is good-- its imported from italy!

really? really?? ok, so maybe transportation isn't as energy intensive as it seems, intuitively, and really the production of the thing itself is what takes the most energy (recently read something on this, forgot where)... but this is just aesthetically displeasing. i have no problem with buying cat treats or cat-once-in-awhile food from far away, but having her main source of food come from another continent, across an ocean and then some, when it's nothing special... right. this comment is purely aesthetic and might be stupid.

if you are going to feed a cat a nonvegan diet, use dry food, not wet food, because you'll be more comfortable with it.

the vast majority of things i've read say that wet cat food is better 'cause cats often don't drink enough water. also yeah, clearly i'm vegan 'cause i'm squeamish. idiot.

hi i have a website about how your cat can be vegan and i am going to tell you how your cat can be vegan using comic sans, bright red and blue color font colors, and/or all caps.

i am judging you on this, you websites that shall not be named. pretend i am the most stereotypical hipster with the most stereotypical judgmental stare. i am so judging you. although, to be fair, if the content was better i'd probably forgive you. it's not. i am still judging.

also, if i see another website or talk to another person or read another article in which a main argument for or against vegan cats centers on the word "natural" i am going to throw a bucketful of soysage or sausage at the person or people behind said website or article, involved in said conversation, etc. (soysage or sausage depending on whichever i think the person thinks will be grosser. if the person isn't squeamish about that i'll add some moldy soy cheese, which turns orange and hot pink like nothing else i've seen before and which i find artistically incredible.). ideas of "natural" are social constructions which are totally useless when you're throwing them around without anything behind them (thanks, college).

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*i'm going to give her some non-factory farmed, byproduct-tastic, nutritionally sound (inasmuch as anyone knows anything about it, and it's increasingly difficult to decide that anyone does, but i have to choose somehow) cat food (from whole foods, so ok, + bourgeois points. it was on sale though, so - bourgeois points). oh, and it's not vegan. she's skinny and shy and i want her to gain some weight and hopefully energy and not risk her lacking nutrition when i dont know enough about it. maybe i'll add some avocado (or chickpeas, nutritional yeast, or that other stuff i read about cats liking). hopefully i can find enough credible info on veganism for cats that she can be at least partly so eventually while still being healthy and happy.

in other news, i'm adopting a cat this evening and her name is Sparkle and she is a one year old tortoiseshell and does cute rolling around cat things and seems pretty smart.

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who is losing it? i am losing it! (but i have distraction that suddenly occurred: weirdo memory!)	[Aug. 25th, 2008\|09:31 pm]
( suddenly struck with what apparently made it through brain processing to become memory... (warning: high school angst) )
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(no subject)	[Aug. 21st, 2008\|06:06 pm]
we are all cyborgs, and are confused about what to do with our relatively new moving parts. usually, they're broken.
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well.	[Aug. 18th, 2008\|04:54 pm]
i'm bad at being mad at people. so it goes.
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the curse of the rezvizzle wedding cake	[Aug. 17th, 2008\|05:37 pm]
First, some background. in the last few weeks, Rezvizzle got married. in the last few weeks (last few months if you include cake experimentation) i made twelve cakes. eighteen if you include each layer of the fancy ones. more if you include all of the experimental ones. anyways, assuming the twelve or eighteen, i made cake for around 150 people, in the last few weeks. this was, obviously, for Rezvizzle's wedding. Now, an aside to give you an idea of the degree to which i overexposed myself to Sugarythings. tally of ingredients used (please excuse the casual switching between units of mass and volume): about nine pounds of white flour two tubs of lard (read: containers of crisco) about one and a half liters of vegetable oil sixteen pounds of sugar, including ten pounds of granulated sugar (maybe twelve? not sure) six pounds of powdered sugar at least one gallon of soy milk (maybe one and a half) several ounces of vanilla and spices and baking powder/soda and salt and stuff. most interesting thing here is prob the 1/3 jar of cardamon used. The post-cake-making sugar high took several days of veggie broth, carrots, and bike rides (also putting the leftover cake in the freezer to avoid the smell of cardamon, which became associated with the crisco and sugar in my olfactory system) to come down from. and i thought i was off it. And I thought I'd make zucchini bread today, having bought a hugemongous zucchini at the pilsen farmers' market. and i looked at a few recipes to get ideas of relative volumes of things, and used LESS sugar than i saw used in those recipes. ...and it tastes like CAKE! like damn zucchini CAKE! now, there is, i feel, a decent range of acceptable zucchini bread taste, which is to say it can range from more bready to more cakey. this stuff is barely within the bounds of cakey. it tastes sweet enough to me that it would crystallize out little bits of zucchini-cinnamon flavored rock candy if it were allowed to. It might be merely that my sense of taste is permanently tainted, as if i'd consumed one of those berries my mom grows that make everything taste sweet. it might also be, and i have a creeping fear, that it is that i am cursed. cursed to make only sweet tasting baked goods, from now until forever. DOOM AND MISERY. anyone want some sweet-ass-zucchini-bread-that-is-arguably-cake?
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caffeinated springboard into a sudden existential crisis	[Aug. 12th, 2008\|03:54 pm]
so for the nth time, what am i doing with my life?
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oh, fuck this shit...	[Jul. 15th, 2008\|05:36 pm]
found this article on sketch massages for the ladies linked to from salon.com, “It was definitely a ‘my husband is a venture capitalist, I eat vegan and live in a loft’ kind of crowd,” fuck it. how to make veganism as a movement not about stupid bourgeois conscientious consumerism for whole foods aficionados? now accepting suggestions. (perhaps not obviously, i've thought about this for awhile but this triggered going public with it) edit: no, that was phrased the wrong way, 'cause fuck that view of the movement... how to make it other things. think on that. and the other, too, sure, 'cause it might help. but the question of how to make it a conscious anticonsumerist movement without a class association is primary. (alternately, what is it to you?)
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i said i was going to learn a decent amount before i judge....	[Jul. 15th, 2008\|04:22 pm]
but, holy moly, i just finished designing a form in microsoft's visual studio (henceforth to be referred to as "thingything" to make me feel a little better. and yes, it does.) as per an exercise on the thing, and i said i was going to wait before judging as i really know nothing about programming (, and yeah, i'm probably influenced by real computer programmy people with seemingly well thought out opinions, and yeah, the example form has a businessy title (invoice, etc), and yeah, its an exercise in which you are given very specific directions)... but holy moly, i have never felt like so much of a tool in my life. for serious. (writing "for serious" also makes me feel a little better. hmm, because its violating traditionally taught english?) i am going to try to wait until i learn more, though, before trying to analyze why this is. for now, though, that's the raw feeling.
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In case you are wondering	[Jun. 30th, 2008\|06:19 pm]
As evidenced by the chap sitting at the very front facing back, with the shirt referring to the sport in a certain place, and the dudes in the act right next to me who i exchanged grins with, the theme of the evening in the front car of the outward bound pink line at 545ish was thumb wrestling. cheers.
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Image 1, spit it back at me	[Jun. 29th, 2008\|04:41 pm]
when i rewrite it to sound better
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